orange dews of heaven.

Yesterday was cold. Like evil cold. Like wearing mittens and a headband and my winter coat on top of under armour and a long sleeve running shirt before I participated in the 10K race of the morning cold. And this was after a week of continuous rain and an occasional interspersal of "wintery mix"..... and all of this wouldn't be quite so bad if it weren't April 21.

Let's just say I had no desire yesterday morning of waking up early. I had no desire to bundle up and definitely not even a hint of a desire to want to stand outside all bundled up and still shivering before this race that I had helped coordinate and was obligated to therefore run. Let's just say I ran rather quickly, crossed the finish line and continued to run, straight back to my car which held my winter coat. Afterwards I shivered for another two hours at the park for a social for one of the organizations at school. By 2:00 pm, I had shivered for a solid 6 hours and a 4-year-old child had bluntly pointed out that my lips were purple.

I went home finally and took a very warm shower, put on sweatpants, stopped for some cinnamon hazelnut spiced hot chocolate and headed to the library for another Saturday afternoon of studying.

I woke up today, on Sunday morning, a bit hesitant to look outside. I woke up not expecting sunlight but secretly hoping for it. I knew I needed to study yet again today and I was dreading it. So I postponed the task for as long as possible - trying frugally to hang on to a bit of my Sunday peace. I made cookies at 8:00 am. I read my scriptures and got all ready for church.

And I felt super emotional while there. Not necessarily bad emotional. I was just overwhelmed suddenly by so many blessings and conversely by so many trials. I was relieved by the sun shining on my drive to the building but conversely weakened by feeling trapped in the clouds of the week. I listened to friends comment throughout the lessons. I listened to friends talk of trials. And I didn't comment myself. I was beautifully content in observational silence - drinking in the thoughts of the people I had been blessed to spend time with this afternoon.

The discussion took a brief turn to discuss the dews of Heaven -

"Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish they thought unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from Heaven." D&C 121:25

Talk of the verse lasted maybe a minute and the conversation moved on, but I didn't. I was transfixed for quite some time on the beauty of that concept. Of the pure doctrine and blessings of the Gospel and of Heavenly Father's truth and love raining down gently into our souls. Purifying us if only we allow it to. Cleansing and refreshing us, nearly imperceptibly, until we stop to consider the peace of that dew upon us and wonder where and how it miraculously came to rest in us.

That's a beautiful and complex image that was still dancing in my mind when I arrived home from church quite some time later and pulled into my driveway only to become transfixed by a vibrant orange blossom that hadn't been there when I left this morning. I had known my tulips had been growing back. But I had somewhat given up on them - at least until Spring figured out that it wasn't supposed to be Winter anymore. And while I had been at church, the sun had shown. And those green stems had imperceptibly blossomed a vibrant flower of peace. That one little bright light of orange had distilled hope from heaven of a brighter week.

Becasue, after all, it can't rain forever. But sometimes it takes rain to allow for the greatest morning dew. And when the sun refuses to shine, the tulips were diligently waiting. And their impercepitble coming, like dew in the mornings, was perhaps more peaceful and calming and hopeful than an impatient watching. Life is beautiful. :)

It's not About Basketball, it's about Life.

It rained this week. All week. And it would have been nothing but beautiful had it been only rain and not an icey cold mix with a few falling ice chunks mixed in with it. I think the dreariness and the cold and darkness of it messed with people's emotions and mental and physical strength.

I actually pulled over on my way to church in a little park to cry. It was so unexpected and unusual - I just felt compelled to pull over and the tears came. It was still cloudy chilly on my way to church, but no longer raining. For some reason I felt like I was carrying the weight of the week and of my own and my friends' stresses and I had to release it before I could sit in church. Sooo, I cried and then dried my eyes and continued driving - and I made it on time.

I can't say I was super focused sitting there however. I wanted so badly for my Sunday to be a day completely dedicated to Heavenly Father. I'd love to sit outside under the now blue - finally - sky and read my scriptures and have a picnic. Instead I am at the library. Studying for tomorrow morning's exam. Today marks exactly one month left of classroom learning for me - and that month seems so daunting. But to make it through and reclaim my Sundays simultaneously makes it seem so incredible. I really just want my Sundays back.

I played basketball while on a short study break earlier this week. It was day 4 of rain and I was going crazy, so I went to the gym, grabbed a ball and started shooting around, really with no rhyme or reason. And I started thinking about my high school basketball days and my coaches. I distinctly remember two of them. One - a Catholic priest and mentor - used to tell me, "It's not about basketball, it's about life." He'd say this on multiple occaisions while trying to get me to believe in myself and to trust in my abilities and capabilities. He'd say it while helping me to overcome my pitiful 58% free throw average and at the end of three hour practices when in my frustration I'd miss every shot I attempted. He was all about fundamentals. He'd break the game down to it's roots and tell us that unless we knew the basics we couldn't know greatness. The game was black and white for him. You played right or you didn't - and the philosophy behind your belief in your abiliity to do so made all of the difference. He MADE ME a basketball player.

And then my junior year a new guy came along. He was young - a football coach. Never coached a girls' anything team in his life and certainly not basketball. He didn't know the fundamentals. He didn't give us an offense - he turned us into something of a streetballer team. But he knew about heart and attitude and unity. He MADE US - as a team that is. And that's how we made it to the state tournament my senior year.

And while I was thinking about this, a Christian song came on my pandora station and that made me relate my thoughts to life and to the Gospel - just as my Catholic priest coach told me I should do. And I thought how we can know the basics. How we need to know the basics and to believe in them and in our abilities to live and to be noble sons and daughters of God. But how alone that's not enough. If we don't practice the basics in love for our fellow men, then knowing the basics won't get us anywhere, and certainly not to the state tournament of eternal salvation. Christ teaches us the basics, but until we take them to heart and use them to become one with those around us and most importantly with Him and Heavenly Father, we can't become anything other than fragments of useful knowledge with so much unused potential. We have so much potential.

So maybe today on my way to church I felt like I was fragmented. Sure I knew all the answers, but I'd seen a lot of disunity and struggling this week - I'd contributed to it as well. And maybe it took those tears after the rain to remind me that Christ has MADE ME - and all of us - so that we can become that team united in heart and unity and attitude capable of so much greatness if we only allow and trust him to be our Coach.