Zen

Times of pharmacy school require a whole lot of library study. A WHOLE lot. To the point of a panic attack-level type anxiety some weeks at the thought of having to re-enter that building again and again. Especially when you leave to go to class, which totally isn't a legit break, and then must face more library time.

As a pharmacy student, one would think that this should be no problem. I, after all, have the intelligence and the access to the medications that can treat anxiety. #nobigdeal. But those medications can't treat ME. Sooo, thankfully, I have a good friend who taught me a valuable lesson this week on dealing with anxiety. He taught me about "zen" moments - moments where you park your car but you don't do the typical. You don't get out, you don't check your phone, you don't think about where you have to go. You make the library wait. You simply put on your favorite song and maybe sip your favorite flavored soda, cozy down in the warmth of the butt warmers in your seat (greatest car invention ever!) and you sing to yourself. And you are perfectly content to check yourself out of the world for a few minutes that are entirely yours.

I actually looked up the definition of "zen" in the English College Dicitionary and this is what it proposed:
1. (Non-Christian Religions / Buddhism) a Japanese school, of 12th-century Chinese origin, teaching that contemplation of one's essential nature to the exclusion of all else is the only way of achieving pure enlightenment.

Now, let's be clear. I don't want to full out "zen" it up and disregard faith and devotion and spend hours meditating for all of my answers. But this week, I was grateful for a few tiny moments of "zen" - of meditation.

There was another definition online that said that this "zen" business requires meditation for all the answers of life, with no faith involved. But look at the first definition - the one I posted here - contemplation of "one's essential nature." And that my friends is the key. Because we are all children of God. And if we could all realize that and remember it - always and every minute - and somehow find the capacity to see every stranger on the street as such, we would be "purely enlightened." So in reality, faith is written into the very root of what contemplation of one's essential self means. It's inseparable. And so in my mind, faith is written in "zen."

Before work this morning at 9:00 am, I needed a "zen" moment. The last thing I wanted to do after spending virtually the entire week in the library was spend 9 hours at work on Saturday. So I was absentmindedly driving to work thinking about nothing in particular and listening to the KLOVE radio station. And I parked my car at 9:01 and my newest favorite song came on the radio. "Carry Me" by Josh Wilson.

Carry me, Carry me, Carry me now
from my sinking sand to your solid ground
the only way I'm ever gonna make it out
 is if you carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now

What did I do? I made a bold and definite decision to sit in my car and have a zen moment. I blasted Christian radio and contemplated my essential nature. I sipped my orange juice and sang along quietly. And I loved every single second of it. I didn't care that I walked into work 8 minutes late. And I walked in with a smile. And a calm heart.

I had a brief conversation on addictions tonight with a friend. It started with talking about Lent and giving things up. He claimed some people are better able to do that than others - that some people are more prone to addictions. He said Satan lays so many traps, trying to lay something to catch every one of us. Maybe it's true. Likely it's true. BUT THERE'S ALWAYS A WAY OUT. And if we get stuck, all we need to do is have a "zen" moment - to sit in silence and remember our essential nature. Our royal nature - as children of the King of Heaven and Earth. Sometimes running through a field of mines will only kill us. But if we pause in the mess of the traps surrounding us and contemplate our essential nature, it's also likely that we will be enlightened. We will know where to go. Maybe we won't be struck with a lightening bolt of obvious brilliance- likely we won't - but we'll be able to walk forward. And if ever we fall into the traps, we will know what to do. Zen moments. And if we've fallen what feels like too far or are hurt in the trap and can't move, our essential natures only have to cry, "carry me, carry me, carry me now." It's the only way we'll ever make it out.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCzW0VlFbgU