This was quite an eventful week and so many wonderful things are spinning around my head right now. Lucky I ran a half marathon yesterday morning in 24 degree weather. That gave me sufficient time to think and to clear my mind of many of the problems it's been failing to fix. Had it been 60 degrees warmer, I may have even believed it was summer again and I'd be able to continue my life reflecting in the moutains post-run....but on the contrary, I could see my breath and my fingers looked like marshmallows from the cold.
So what's left in my head? That I didn't deliberate through or leave behind in a sad frigid mess? Thoughts on HOME - in many unique and different ways.
I was at the library earlier this week studying for an exam. I was majorly distracted and hurt by an interaction I'd had with a friend earlier in the day, so much so that I ended up leaving in frustration. I went to the gym and I ran. I was on a treadmill (treadmills make for horrible, depressing life analogies, but that's a story for another day), running my little heart out and feeling calmer by the second. I finally ran myself to exhaustion and started walking. I turned off my music and turned on the voice of Elder Robert C. Oaks from the October 2006 General Conference. I was scrolling through the list of talks and found his entitled "The Power of Patience" and I, still in somewhat of a rage, though quite a bit milder now, thought, "patience, yes, I need a lot of that...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdlzRmUS8Y0
So I began walking expecting this wise gentleman to enlighten me on things of a patient nature. He didn't waste any time. Within the first 30 seconds, he had moved from the concept of patience straight into the 13 elements of charity, commonly quoted from 1 Cor 13 or Moroni 7:44-45. And he proceeded to explain that 4 of those elements are directly related, and prerequisites to, patience: Charity suffereth long. Charity is not easily provoked. Charity beareth all things. Charity endureth all things.
Pretty sure my walking slowed down with this instant and direct and overwhelming and beautiful reminder/realization. I had turned on a counsel on patience expecting to be able to be told how to get it while maintaining what I believed was my right to anger. And my heart was told instantly that I had it all wrong. I could only be patient if I could love. And to love meant I had to forgive and that meant that I was wasting my time being angry. So I slowed down - I felt like I'd run to the top of a mountain and hadn't appreciated the view and was finally calm enough to slow down and realize what I'd been missing on the way back. My walked slowed to nothing as this sweet man concluded his counsel. And, I walked slowly outside and back to my car. I went home and I changed and headed back to the library.
This time I walked in carrying a fleece blanket and wearing fur boots. I found a solitary table and I spread out my study materials, took of my shoes, curled up in my blanket and calmly began to study. Three hours later, I'd realized that I'd been walking around the libary all night shoeless. And it was so much easier to focus and to feel calm and capable of patience.
Speaking at a fireside this summer for youth, I remember taking off my shoes and walking up to the microphone barefoot. Speaking in church a few Sundays ago, instead of twirling my hair like a normal nervous person or smiling while my knees shook uncontrollably, I was standing behind the pulpit slipping my shoe on and off while speaking, with non shaking knees or twirled hair.
What's my point in this, besides confusing you by going off on a shoe tangent? Think about being at home. Most people when at home, in the place they feel most comfortable and relaxed, take off their shoes. So naturally, when I go places where I want to feel at home, I take off my shoes.
And I realized, in my most excited and perhaps most humbled moment of the week, that in the temple - in God's HOME, before walking to the bapistry, we take off our shoes. And doing so, makes me feel so, so perfectly at home. :)
After that treadmill run, I had been reminded of how much I needed to work on charity. Those feelings calmed my heart, but the concept of getting to that level - where I could forgive and develop patience - seemed too insurmountable and that made me feel defeated. So I did the most natural thing I could. I took off my shoes in the library and I allowed myself to be at home.
Needing to talk shoeless in church allows me to be at home. It's oddly humbling and so calming for me to do. If I take off my shoes, I can't go anywhere until I have communed with Heavenly Father - been at home with him. And when I'm at home, maybe not a specific physical building or place at this time in my life, but home in my heart, I am my best self and most capable of settling in and settling down and finding patience, charity, and peace. And Sundays? Sundays are the most perfect days to be at home.
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