The Winding Path

I spent a lot of time at the hospital this week. It was an intense week on the pediatric floor, so a good portion of that time was spent feeling rather incompetant as far as pharmacist knowledge goes. I am struggling with feelings of having been prisoner to pharmacy school and endless hours at the library for the last three years of my life, and despite the time I served, still feeling like I absorbed nothing of the important details. It's really entirely overwhelming to step back and think about how much I am supposed to know as a doctor of pharmacy and how much I feel like I do not know.

And I think about that and then step back further and wonder what the heck I am doing in Alaska. Let's be real, that's a super far journey to travel just to find a hosptial to have my limited pharmacy knowledge tested in! But, regardless of the length of the journey or how absurd it may seem, I feel like this was always meant to be. Guided by the skills and knowlege of the staff here, I am slowly starting to feel some sort of my passion for the profession restored. I'm working with pharmacists who truly care about the patients they are treating and who apply that same care to the students they are teaching. And while it doesn't necessarily take away the fear of knowing nothing, it does finally restore that desire I started out with in wanting to know everything and in feeling like I am capable of making it to... well at least an admirable point in pharmacy knowledge... :)

 

It's somewhat like I've been walking through this dense, endless forest for years, and finally, the sun is starting to shine through. And Alaska is doing that for me figuratively and literally (I took this photo on a quaint little hike yesterday afternoon). There is just unequivacol soul searching potential in walking through a stunningly silent forest with a good friend - so quiet that even conversation seems inappropriate. It was as if we were created to go there and to release all fearful, failure-worthy, or entrapping thoughts in the safety of the shining and all-encompassing green foilage (don't think we didn't relate the scene to every fantasy movie we'd ever seen :).....).

 





We ended up in this pseudo-Alaskan-rainforest land after having many other hiking efforts thwarted. We had brought a little map with us that promised a nice service road up to the top of a breathtaking mountain, with the promise of a free ski lift ride back down if we made it to the top. We searched for this road but instead wandered through an enchanting maze of roads leading to hidden vacation homes. Once we realized the real road was not to be found, we returned to our starting location and discovered where we had missed it. Feeling hopeful, we set out again, only to discover the trail - and all other trails on that side of the mountain - was closed due to construction (with risks of explosion and death ahead...). Plan B? Take the nice ski lift man's advice and drive to the other side of the mountain for an upward trail there. Upon arrival to this other side, however, we were told that the ski lifts were closed due to wind and that hiking up, though beautiful, would be a treacherous feat in light of the requirement to hike back down the sleep slope in it's increasingly soggy condition (enhanced by the rain now falling..).

So we took an entirely different trail. One that didn't climb up at all, but instead weaved through the dense forest and opened up to a magical river.

 



So what it comes down to is that my life is one giant lesson on journeying. People might steal your bike in Alaska (yes this happened to me as well) hindering your daily travel routine, or the road you thought was real might not be a road at all, or all of your paths might be blocked. But, as my pharmacist mentor said to me this week, "You'll find your niche. It might take awhile, and the road might not be as straight as you want it to be, but you'll get there."  

 

 

These are from my kayaking adventure last week. My friend Kristen posted them, and they are so charming that I couldn't help but to share them here.

 

looking classy with those rubber boots....

Just traveling up the ocean shore...Lewis and Clark style...